I got this video e-mailed to me and tweeted at a dozen times last week and it turned me to mush each time. Everyone I’ve met can’t shut up about it like it’s the bizarro Tiger Woods story. The Ukelele Kid (UK) playing an amazing ukelele and doing an spot on impression of Jason Mraz’s stroke-like facial expressions at the age of 4 is probably a sign of bigger things to come like Tiger putting on the Mike Douglas Show at the age of 2. I’d like to look into my crystal meth crucible to see his future.
At the age of 9, UK returns to fame when he plays at the “Surprised Cat” funeral after the cat dies from a long bout with skin cancer. At the age of 15, UK is taken under the wing of the ageless John Mayer (the master of stroke-like facial expressions) and releases an album titled, “Chinese Democracy” full of songs with suggestive song titles, like “Lost in Mountains” and “My Girlfriend’s Cat” and goes on tour opening up for the band “Magnum” featuring Britney’s kids, Jayden James and Sean Preston Federline. At age 16, UK has his own Disney show, “Dexter In Paradise” in which he is Dexter Smalls, an Asian orphan adopted by white parents and lives in Hawaii and dates Miley Cyrus’s sister. At 17, UK headlines his own tour, releases a 3D concert movie, and dates Nicole Richie’s daughter. He also does a holiday duet with Lionel Richie titled, “Christmas With My Baby”. At age 18, he releases a more grown-up sound with the album, “Bromance” where he dumps the ukelele and uses the electric guitar. At age 19, he gets in a scandal because he dumps Nicole Richie’s daughter over the phone and his friendship with John Mayer ends when Mayer sleeps with his ex-girlfriend, Miley Cyrus’s sister. At 20, UK releases his third album, “Fast Lane” which features his return to the ukelele and has a b-side cover of Oasis’ “Wonderwall”. He shows his action chops when he stars in the summer Hollywood blockbuster remake of, “Big Trouble in Little China” with Suri Cruise. There are swirling rumors that they are an item, but they say they are just close friends. To celebrate his 21st birthday, Suri buys UK a hover car which he paints neon green and 18″ chrome wheels and they are officially together. However, Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian’s daughter releases a sex tape with her and UK and she gets her own reality show. UK and Suri have an awful break up and Tom Cruise threatens to kick UK’s ass. UK decides to take a break and retreats to his Hawaii compound. A few years later, he releases a new album called, “Redemption”. Unfortunately, due to poor reviews and a terrible collaboration with a past-his-prime Justin Bieber, the record is a travesty. UK tries to recover as a contestant on Dancing with the Stars, but is eliminated second after the fat kid from “Modern Family. Dancing with the Stars is ultimately won by Nick Jonas. UK is last seen in the spotlight on Celebrity Rehab with Taylor Lautner, Taylor Swift, Joe Jonas, and Selena Gomez. UK writes a best-selling memoir, “The Little Boy with the Ukelele” and retires in Hawaii married to a school teacher, 3 kids, and 8 dogs and cats.