Damsel In Distress Hotline

Everyone knows being single in New York is hard. I find myself pondering daily, “Where have all the cowboys gone?” This reel, which I suspect has been hidden from the internet for fear of a bombardment of email responses, is exploding with a montage of the best bachelors out there. What’s that you say? It was made in the eighties? Don’t worry, I have a feeling that all of those men are still single.

Except Fred. I am really digging the viking hat. It reminds me of Mystery’s method. As you all may remember, Mystery was the star of VH1’s the Pickup Artist, and best-selling author of How to Get Beautiful Women into Bed. One of his pillars is “peacocking,” or as I call it, a “piece of flair,” a conversation starting accessory that men should wear to intrigue women, such as a furry black hat or aviator glasses (you should only have 1 because you don’t want to clutter your look). Did Mystery steal this from technique from viking hat Fred? I smell a lawsuit. 

As for the other men, I DO like cats. And I like having fun too. Weird! And I like pizza. This is getting serendipitous. Ladies, let me know which bachelor you like best, and if you think the data processing guy looks like Seth Green too.


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