I admittedly showed up to work yesterday at 1:30 pm (and then sat for a good ten minutes eating my sandwich, which was really good if you’re wondering). The person at fault for my tardiness is none other than Janeane Garofalo!
First I must preface this story with something about my friend Shyam so there is some character development here. When we were in high school, German club got to go to Mavericks games every year and talk with the German players, strictly in German. Of course the only German player is Dirk Nowitzki. When it came time to ask him questions, Shyam asked him “treibst du sport?” which means “do you play any sports?” That got a good chuckle from Dirk.
Thursday night I went to the Upright Citizen’s Brigade to see the Dave Hill Explosion. Dave was charming as usual. He accomplished the mighty feat of escaping from a cardboard box while we cheered on. Then he made fun of gay men with Chris March, so I guess that made the bashing more politically correct by having a gay fashionista at his side. The guest on his “show” was Janeane Garofalo. She paraded about with a calendar of kittens and joked about how she is so not famous that she just walked to the show from her apartment. Good for her! Then I’m not sure what happened. Two completely nude men emerged wearing nothing but capes. I can’t stress enough how naked they were. It is a small theatre too. They did tricks with their penises and made Janeane hold their legs while they did hand stands. Two thumbs up (get it?). All this for only 5 dollars!
After the show, I was loitering outside with my friends when Janeane walked by. “Hey,” Shyam said to her. She looked like she was ready to whip out a pen for an autograph or pose for another nuisance of a photo with a fan. “You know any good bars around here?” he asked her. Janeane seemed giddy at the prospect that we might have no clue who she is and actually wanted some NY street advice. Shyam had two stipulations, it had to be a cheap bar, and be a cheap bar. She sent us to a place down the way and I invited her with us. She said she would if she still drank, but she hasn’t had a drink in 8 years! No wonder she looks so good. After our street banter with Janeane we headed to said bar without her. We wondered why we were took bar advice from someone who hasn’t had a drink in 8 years. It wasn’t cheap it all! But we had to stay because Janeane dictated that good times ensue for at least 5 hours as a way of compensating for her not supporting the liquor industry the past 8 years. And that’s way better excuse for casually late friday than “my dog ate my homework.”