YYYs @Williamsburg

 

Karen in a cape
Karen in a cape

Last night the Yeah Yeah Yeahs played an excellent show at Williamsburg Music Hall. They didn’t play my favorite song, Turn Into, but c’est la vie. I am never disappointed in Karen’s outfits. She emerged in a burka like shrowd that was lined with cords that glow neon pink in the dark. Last time I saw her in Texas she was wearing a leotard and a cape. 

The highlight of the night was the opening act. I googled to find out their name and this was the first description I came across: “As for opening act, Services, let’s just say for me they were the musical equivalent of monkeys throwing feces and leave it at that.” Well said! 

 Services was so hilarious that it was better than watching a legitimately talented band. It was if they went to a Ghostland Observatory show and said “We can do this,” then bought a keyboard and changed names from Tristan to TRZTN. The uber cool duo rocked out on their moog and a …xylophone? I’m not sure what they were playing, but it sounded like tunes from a Halloween themed prom. The best part of the act is the solitary cymbal. One of the guys prances around it as if he were having an artistic Beethoven-esque fit of creativity, then beats it violently with a drumstick, as seen here.  

Naturally this talent was rewarded with contributions to the soundtrack for Where the Wild Things Are. I actually think that their sound might be appropriate for a movie about monsters. We’ll see!

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Damsel In Distress Hotline

Everyone knows being single in New York is hard. I find myself pondering daily, “Where have all the cowboys gone?” This reel, which I suspect has been hidden from the internet for fear of a bombardment of email responses, is exploding with a montage of the best bachelors out there. What’s that you say? It was made in the eighties? Don’t worry, I have a feeling that all of those men are still single.

Except Fred. I am really digging the viking hat. It reminds me of Mystery’s method. As you all may remember, Mystery was the star of VH1’s the Pickup Artist, and best-selling author of How to Get Beautiful Women into Bed. One of his pillars is “peacocking,” or as I call it, a “piece of flair,” a conversation starting accessory that men should wear to intrigue women, such as a furry black hat or aviator glasses (you should only have 1 because you don’t want to clutter your look). Did Mystery steal this from technique from viking hat Fred? I smell a lawsuit. 

As for the other men, I DO like cats. And I like having fun too. Weird! And I like pizza. This is getting serendipitous. Ladies, let me know which bachelor you like best, and if you think the data processing guy looks like Seth Green too.

Casually Late Friday

I admittedly showed up to work yesterday at 1:30 pm (and then sat for a good ten minutes eating my sandwich, which was really good if you’re wondering). The person at fault for my tardiness is none other than Janeane Garofalo!

First I must preface this story with something about my friend Shyam so there is some character development here. When we were in high school, German club got to go to Mavericks games every year and talk with the German players, strictly in German. Of course the only German player is Dirk Nowitzki. When it came time to ask him questions, Shyam asked him “treibst du sport?” which means “do you play any sports?” That got a good chuckle from Dirk.

Digression over.

Thursday night I went to the Upright Citizen’s Brigade to see the Dave Hill Explosion.  Dave was charming as usual. He accomplished the mighty feat of escaping from a cardboard box while we cheered on. Then he made fun of gay men with Chris March, so I guess that made the bashing more politically correct by having a gay fashionista at his side. The guest on his “show” was Janeane Garofalo. She paraded about with a calendar of kittens and joked about how she is so not famous that she just walked to the show from her apartment. Good for her! Then I’m not sure what happened. Two completely nude men emerged wearing nothing but capes. I can’t stress enough how naked they were. It is a small theatre too. They did tricks with their penises and made Janeane hold their legs while they did hand stands. Two thumbs up (get it?). All this for only 5 dollars!

After the show, I was loitering outside with my friends when Janeane walked by. “Hey,” Shyam said to her. She looked like she was ready to whip out a pen for an autograph or pose for another nuisance of a photo with a fan. “You know any good bars around here?” he asked her. Janeane seemed giddy at the prospect that we might have no clue who she is and actually wanted some NY street advice. Shyam had two stipulations, it had to be a cheap bar, and be a cheap bar. She sent us to a place down the way and I invited her with us. She said she would if she still drank, but she hasn’t had a drink in 8 years! No wonder she looks so good. After our street banter with Janeane we headed to said bar without her. We wondered why we were took bar advice from someone who hasn’t had a drink in 8 years. It wasn’t cheap it all! But we had to stay because Janeane dictated that good times ensue for at least 5 hours as a way of compensating for her not supporting the liquor industry the past 8 years. And that’s way better excuse for casually late friday than “my dog ate my homework.”

 

cover_thetruth
A classic movie starring my new best friend.

 

Fight Smack in the Orphanage

www.fightsmackintheorphanage.org
http://www.fightsmackintheorphanage.org

Finally, smack addicted orphans are getting the services they need. Local hero and pimp Chocolate Giddy Up, who appears in the 2009 hit Black Dynamite (coming to theaters Oct 16!), has changed from his smack-selling, pimping ways to simply pimping ways. By understanding that orphans do not need to be sold smack anymore, he is making personal progress whilst helping smack addicted orphans do the same. The most impressive success story on FSITO’s website is the tale of Troy Clark. “Troy was living on the streets and addicted to Smack before he was out of diapers. By the time he was rescued by a FSITO Smack Warrior, he had a rap sheet as long as his arm – having been convicted of armed felonious assault, menacing with intent to do bodily harm, illegal downloading of music and receiving stolen goods. After meeting one of our Smack Warriors at the Detroit Youth Detention Center, he decided to leave Smack behind and chart a course for success.”  According to the site, Troy is currently President of General Motors. Success!

Other companies are pitching in to help smacked out babies as well. Anaconda Malt Liquors has designed a new line for kids that contains methadone to help the ailing orphan in recovery. Magnum Black Condoms created a special “Let’s Do It For the Orphans” campaign to show their support. Visit www.fightsmackintheorphanage.org to read about Chocolate Giddy Up and find ways to help in your community. And “remember, every condom sold saves an orphan. Every condom not sold makes one.”

Chocolate’s friend Bullhorn:

Winsconsin Dreamin’

Today I joined the Cheese and Burger Society. I too believe that cheese is the grand-poo-bah of every burger. I’m not sure if this is because I am a vegetarian, making cheese the shiny star of the veggie burger, or if I truly have an insatiable want of good cheese. Either way I love this website and am happy to be a member of any elitist online group. The site shares 30 burger specialties using an array of Wisconsin cheeses. The recipes are narrated by dream boat Patrick Warburton, a.k.a. Family Guy character Joe Swanson, the burly man in the wheel chair. I also signed up for a chance to win a stainless steel grill on their site, despite living in a small apartment in New York City. A girl can dream, right?

A typical day for me in NYC
A typical day for me in NYC

Visit http://www.cheeseandburger.com, but don’t enter to win a free grill because that will decrease my chances of winning. Thanks for understanding.